我的心那块石头依然在

他每晚都发作, 我喘息不来

我有我的想法

我还拿捏不定

又害怕会带来不可预想的麻烦
重蹈覆辙

我, 反复思量
想?快乐?
做=还就半半
放弃= 零

我, 想念以前
勇敢追求
只想快快乐乐, 决定自己走的路
只要不影响他人,不添任何不必要
这就是我!!

现在 这想法 自私吗 ?
我, (叹气) : 人言可畏............

my mood can be describe with the word down! Down! down!
seriously 献世 lo...the questions are not easy, but i have read it before. first time felt so down after exam.
Am i pressurized myself too much??Once again blank out during the exam!!! this is happen so often now!! i put my efforts in, enter exam hall, nthg comes out!! the outcomes should turns up better than studying Msia, i expected MORe! now getting worse..ppl hang out with frens, i stay still..ppl visit around PErth, i rather go shop for groceries....Oh my gosh, i tot of getting better result, at least score higher than in MSia ~

Today, when i stepped out from the exam hall, tears rolling,brain is empty
and i only heard my parents' advices, caring and everything they mentioned in calls..especially my mum...
i have disappointed them!
ppl surrounding me chitchating in mandarin, Typical China ppl
so Annoying.
whenever my head's up, China ppl..china's chinese...FAN!!
"Moon" doesnt shows up today, covered by saddy clouds...Cold-windy day~~

new house

today 5pm, shifted in a new house. ERm....new room more specifically.
i have to get use to this new environment again.
I paid my 4 weeks bond and 2 weeks rent money (total $ 900 AUD) to Mr. Yip, he is my landlord bf's dad.
write until so complicated :p *shortform* landlord's future father in law ~~~
At first enter this house, it is small but neat and homely.
And it is obviously renovated recently.
I'm happy that the landlord listened to my opinion, i wished to have a brighter room so she switched the curtain's of my room with another.
The only thing i dont appreaciate is the bed. Its too low for my height. other than that still fine.

I am staying alone now, supposingly stay with my landlord= 2 gurls. She is currently working at another state ( kalgoolie). I can see that she is responsible, she gave me a call right after i shifted in and ask about the condition of everything. And purposely remind me that she will be back at the coming thursday, which i don't know whether it is good or bad to me.

Good= house not so empty and quiet BAd= She might bring her Bf for overnite. :X!!! Her room located right beside mine ..O.o haha

COme back !! stop the imagination~~ zZzzzz - ame :e

My aunt's place (more happening) noisy and argued with each other very often. it will nvr pop up 'piece' word there which i quite annoyed when i first shifted in,and now..i realised that i had involved to this family already. i misses them so fast. Haha. ompared to the new place here, i am alone and have to turn on the music (basically make the house with sound surrounding) cut down the quietness and scariNess of this house. Feel so unsafe...i guess i have to turn on my phone for today...because my room doesnt has a lock to keep me safe. O.O

i know this is kinda useless, cant really help much..
i tihnk it makes me sleep more comfortably....
Goodnight everyone!!

ok. ok. ok. ok.
Im done. Im finished!
我不是好情人
心淡
not a good speaker
failure!!
life so crappy.

weather is getting colder and colder
Seriously need a MAN now OR heater. HAha. Man is freee of charge :P
going to shift out next tuesday..
im tiring of searching houses although there are alot more outside.

This morning went to buy loaf bread, it costs me 5 AUD which is rm 15.
why i picked this bread instead of otherS? It simply just too attractive because of the nice packaging.
i fall in love with bread nowadays, wondering when only get bored on it.
Spent alot on butter/magerine ( i love it) haha.
Milk, westerners' favourite for breakfast. Weeee ( cannot take too much) unhealthy.

After that, went to register for hiphop funk class from Uni.
try to force myself to exercise abit, better than staying at home gain weight laa..
who knows, the classs was full..
this called FAte.
fate wants me to be fei poh
one word -CHAM...

Complain session
-my presentation is coming, MR HK guy faster pass me your work la...wait for you so long. Ask pls if donno.wasting my time la.
- I need heater! i need heater!! haha

That's it~~

i shouldnt simply create jokes
when jokes travelled~
it becomes a weapon, blunt but long
can't fully take away your life but is enough to torture you from bleeding, hurting you!~
Your soul will starts swelling bit by bit.............

slowly confiscate by the dark side, ppl named that HELL
And then you may get this chance to reborn, turn to a new leaf.
OR stay upon this situation wait for punishment arrival......

while waiting for reborn chance
scenes of your past will keep releasing from the reflection of the mirror
like a pictures album, flipping page by page show up infront of you.
Then only you realised,
how much appreciation you put to fulfil up the emptiness of past
how much wastage u have made on your own life.....

You have no authority to judge what is gonna happens in the future,
But you surely have this authority by choosing the right path to go for
It links together
and it may guide you to the brighter OR the darker side in future.

------------------------------------THE END------------------------------------------

Perth

Uni life just started few days ago~ Perth life is so dull
and the snacks,coffees that i enjoyed alot from my country
so not enjoy now!!~i start converting every single item here to the price of ringgit malaysiaa. Although UNi has started quite some times but i'm still a loner here!!! i am so anti social+Racist......
They are chinese but from CHINA...many china students surrounding me but im kindly looking for my type student= malaysian...haha

Anyway, today i suddenly feel like hearing my parents' voice....then i pick up the phone right beside and start dialing my house number.."do DO do DO do DO do DO" , the number is currently unavailable, pls call back later.....
Few minutes later~~~ DO do DO do DO do DO.....
Harlo!!! my mum's voiceee...i quickly grabbed the phone from my aunty's hand, then start talking to her.
Once i started the talk...my nose got stucked, and i kept controlling the *unknown* gas pulling off from my nose to my eyes, WOW..that feeling was so sucks.
Stayed in Perth almost 2 weeks, and the homesick feeling suddenly appeared from Nowhere.....
Or maybe, everyone will face the same problem after leave home for awhile.....
Or maybe, the cultures and behavioural between my relatives and I is so different. My home is always peaceful which i used to for the past 20 years...and now, almost everyday has a fight happen in this *lovely* family.....Lols

ONE more thing..... afternoon is my EMO period -_-Saddest moment :(

im so dead

Leaving sooon la..but the visa mail still not arrived yet.
call them tomolo to COMPLAIN. haha

Anyway, i am counting on the cost of my skin care products that 'm gonna bring over there..
Exceeded the limits given by my mum.
I need angpau now..haha whoever ask me what do i need as Birthday/ Farewell GIFt. This wil be the most sincere answer.lols

I DO need sunblock with certain brand la ofcoz due to the unstable weather plus strong Uv rays..haha HOnestly speaking ma..my skin far too sensitive( didnt mean to con you guys) haha.
As i say, MP3 lo-( Mr. kangaroo Horh)
whAt else, hmmm....
NO SCarfs..i have 3 with me right now, can wrap from top to bottom during winter d.

Lastly will be the birthday party..if my parents plan held up one before i leave ( 17 feb probably) I will invite everyone of you. Remember bring along camerAaaa, and i need CAMERAman to capture down this moment for us. Somehow, this's my 21st b'day-.- mature like hell wei~hehe

Year 2010

Year 2010
The first day of this year was not happy.
It's a long story~~ you put so much effort, money, so so...
turn up different or even worse situation.
By now, i am so afraid to stand in front of mirror to look at the entire ME.

I seldom turn out in the crowd nowadays, rarely call out for outing..so sorry. I just can't show up myself to everyone. Indeed, only certain friends. Due to this( reason), i apologize for being unfriendly this while.

Okay, for ppl who has seen me, such as XXXXX...upload those pictures to somewhere else if couldnt transfer to me, Make me sad sial waiting...lols. I can easily copy or save to my desktop.
Dont hide my pictures!! although i look disgraceful.. i also sick of it now~~ GG

phew, BLOG UPDATED!! Still rotting at home......ANGEL, solve my situation & DEvil, Pull me out from this situation

Raymond ARh...

Raymond lam's concert ticket SOLD OUT??!!
CAnnot beeeeeee....
That IS CRAZY!! YeeEeeee :C


ANyone selling?haha...i need minimum 4 tickets!!!~ LOLX

。。。。 要努力才能成功
。。。。 要努力心想事成
。。。。 要努力就可求仁得仁
不努力就什么都不能。。:(

Treat this as a 'motivation' for myself lo~haha
I post this up for everyone who facing final soon~
Cheer up, be a positive thinker~
You will receive equalize pay back from the hard works you have put on.

Working for these coming weekends ( SAT&SUN)
SPM soon, feel pressurize
worries + lack of sleep...Zzzzz

I always wish to switch off the light and get to the bed earlier
hang out without eye bags
go for exercises
but then...
the person i sharing room with , preparing for spm laaa~!!

What makes her nervous that much?
compare to my century, we were much relax la rite!! kakakaa....

Btw, watched time traveler's wife + Jennifer's body+ 2012
2012 -touched me! and i realized time shouldn't be wasted and if its really happens in the year 2012, we shall immediately try up on something that we have never been through.
Stop lagging behind with useless things and people.

Jennifer's body and Time traveler's wife- i will rate them as 7/10.
Not as bad as the comments i heard from.
Got the storyline but not well-structured
Climax part too short or not deep into enough?

People, Ppl, PPL..Outside there
Final SOON~~

*Wish you guys ALL THE BEST!!!! Mmmmmuackszsss

Starbucks

i saw him (the first guy i fall to) last few days. At the usual place i go always. haha

Not that hyper but still shy to face him.

But i still pretend like what i use to be= COOL. haha

He was chitchatting with one of my secondary mate...she has changes a lot too. (don't think they are couple) LOLX

Last time used to think that:' i might have chance!" he liked me before ( STANDARD 2) haha, and since we were in the same tuition-, we did talk to each other during class, Eh... got electric shot Oo, I'm the only one who got "shocked"!! hoHoho....

End up he goes for my best friend :( No doubt, she is better. -behaviour and looks-.

I am not so friendly last time, and shy to face guys especially to someone i like..

Now also la..haha. I didn't change much. So leh, if i treat some of you very close and nice mean i'm not into you oo..Dont misunderstood. wakakaka :p

Can i really talk to him next time if met him again? cheh... I STILL shy la aduh~~ hahahaha

我总是在寻找直得信任，可以倾谈的男性朋友。
但我忽略了，同时间这些朋友也是不敢担当，更不敢为友人抱不平或挡下困难。
我很想被保护, 我装坚强吧了。
所以我对追求者第一要求就是面对面表白( 不是在广众啦!! )

Okay
WHY am i mention this suddenly? i feel betrayed when someone snake out and i face everything Myself~
It began from a small incident.
You, the one who reminded me about the joke and i started to work out what we had plan previously.
End up left me alone doing. What for reminding me the plan then? ( i did not get mad with this actually, she neither.)

But due to this joke she started mentioning about some stuffs, i know why she did so just because i fooled her yet you, the one who snake out still dare to put in another words to mention about the things i MIND a lot!! You read my latest post in blog and you should seriously know how i feel right, not like i did not share with you or apologised right!! The latest incident already hurt me badly. I'm trying to let it off but could you stop adding salt on it or recall them back? I was force to be cheerful in front of you guys yet my heart was dripping tears.

身边已寥寥无几，最经还一连窜发生那么多事,
才真真惊觉身边的一切, 原来只是信任是不够的.

FALLING IN LOVE with someone ~~easy but Tough mission

-Starbucks day-
I noticed there was a girl. She sat right behind me with her younger sister.
I heard she was talking with her bf through phone. and she was totally freaking me out.
I admire...No no!! is jealous with her behaviour, the way she talked to her bf. So straight forward. no worries and laugh out terribly.
I suddenly felt so upset at that moment, she was just like the 'old' ME last time. Carefree~
Ever since my college life starts
It has been quite some time.....
Think before u do, speak, act.....
Care a lot, have to stay aware of people around u, person that u speak to and etc.
I can feel that my brain is moving every second before and during talking now. Compare to last time, less worries less pathetic. I enjoyed every moment!!
I dislike the current 'ME'~sound selfish to someone i know.
But i fully agree with this phrase "we have to love ourselves first before loving other ppl!!!"
If i happy, i believe that friends surround us will got affected by this happiness too.
Well, not easy to change back to the original side....Thing has changed without your controlling.

let me voice out here!!

So pathetic

i feel like doing too much

sick of being, the only caring, working out automatically without mentioning....

there is not much appreciates received

Somehow, i have to admit that why am i being such generous all the while

I had succeed by seeking the attraction, it has not last any longer

Slowly, i have become a tool, use me when needs me. when i face problem, no cares ...everyone's gone~~

Hope that i will be treated differently after all my hard works done, such idiot!!

1st day knowing them?! they will only care what they use to care.

They are my part of souls, respects, tolerance, my follower - i finally realized, i'm acting so foolish, putting too much efforts just to show my existence.....

I can hold with it seriously, for months~ years~

if these crappy incidents did not happen from the past few days~it could be even longer

Adults to the youngest,

they have clearly show in front of me even tells, my care was an EXTRA.

i still remember these bitchy talks "I didn't ask u to be like that!!, you yourself care too much!!!, stop giving annoying advises!!" these really hurt me......

i am the only one who follow whatever instructions or so call *rules* set??

When you're great : this is what you have to behave like, ADULT!

but actually i have start hanging this behaviour since i was 13. Since the day my brother left to another state....since the day you'll ask me to take care of my sister...since the day i start working.

I'm not born to be independence, i have to be..trained to be...-understandable; somehow

i can be weak sometimes.

I have tried so hard to not letting myself make any mistake, not letting you'll to worry but STILL there is thing to blame....their fault nag me, why ar?!

Blame ! Blame! Blame!...can someone stands out for me?

I don't expect more but at least EQUAL

new baby, new haircut!!

____________________________________________________________________

想法

当一个爱你的人为你出头 即正常又平凡
当一个已不属于你的人 你想要他为你出头 既奇怪又离奇

你不可不否认 这一定存有不止友谊吧了的感情 既矛盾又迷惘
那个人也不该责怪那平凡人，这代表他爱的奉献， 正如我所说是正常地
人往往就是这洋，
做了多余的事，就如画蛇添竹般，相反地，这却反映了另一回事。
怒气遮盖全部， 包括思考。

好话应该说的，别因为一些外人而伤感情，
如果彼此还是在意对方
就该好好维护
毕竟经历了那么多
也该放开~学习体谅吧！！！

my CAR

my car ~~
From what i heard, the car is already out since monday, and parked outside their company
But due to the 'effectiveness' of the gov workship, their festival ma...not enough strength maybe.haha
approval letter for this car still not out yet
Without that the car cannot drive on road..
Promised monday will arrive wan mah~~~, aish!!
My plan ruined out la....
Probably need to wait for another week and another amount of $$ need to spend for cab to college.*rush again* bishBAshBooooo

I love MALAYSIA~~31/8 National Day!!!

my apologies is for wat i did say before.

I shouldn't argued with you when i was still blur with the situation.
finally recalled back my memories.....
i have something to say actually...

BUT,
i scared that happens again
although i don't really like to keep inside...

I will say,
there is some misunderstanding between us,
Hopefully u will feel better today.