我总是在寻找直得信任，可以倾谈的男性朋友。
但我忽略了，同时间这些朋友也是不敢担当，更不敢为友人抱不平或挡下困难。
我很想被保护, 我装坚强吧了。
所以我对追求者第一要求就是面对面表白( 不是在广众啦!! )

Okay
WHY am i mention this suddenly? i feel betrayed when someone snake out and i face everything Myself~
It began from a small incident.
You, the one who reminded me about the joke and i started to work out what we had plan previously.
End up left me alone doing. What for reminding me the plan then? ( i did not get mad with this actually, she neither.)

But due to this joke she started mentioning about some stuffs, i know why she did so just because i fooled her yet you, the one who snake out still dare to put in another words to mention about the things i MIND a lot!! You read my latest post in blog and you should seriously know how i feel right, not like i did not share with you or apologised right!! The latest incident already hurt me badly. I'm trying to let it off but could you stop adding salt on it or recall them back? I was force to be cheerful in front of you guys yet my heart was dripping tears.

身边已寥寥无几，最经还一连窜发生那么多事,
才真真惊觉身边的一切, 原来只是信任是不够的.

FALLING IN LOVE with someone ~~easy but Tough mission

-Starbucks day-
I noticed there was a girl. She sat right behind me with her younger sister.
I heard she was talking with her bf through phone. and she was totally freaking me out.
I admire...No no!! is jealous with her behaviour, the way she talked to her bf. So straight forward. no worries and laugh out terribly.
I suddenly felt so upset at that moment, she was just like the 'old' ME last time. Carefree~
Ever since my college life starts
It has been quite some time.....
Think before u do, speak, act.....
Care a lot, have to stay aware of people around u, person that u speak to and etc.
I can feel that my brain is moving every second before and during talking now. Compare to last time, less worries less pathetic. I enjoyed every moment!!
I dislike the current 'ME'~sound selfish to someone i know.
But i fully agree with this phrase "we have to love ourselves first before loving other ppl!!!"
If i happy, i believe that friends surround us will got affected by this happiness too.
Well, not easy to change back to the original side....Thing has changed without your controlling.

let me voice out here!!

So pathetic

i feel like doing too much

sick of being, the only caring, working out automatically without mentioning....

there is not much appreciates received

Somehow, i have to admit that why am i being such generous all the while

I had succeed by seeking the attraction, it has not last any longer

Slowly, i have become a tool, use me when needs me. when i face problem, no cares ...everyone's gone~~

Hope that i will be treated differently after all my hard works done, such idiot!!

1st day knowing them?! they will only care what they use to care.

They are my part of souls, respects, tolerance, my follower - i finally realized, i'm acting so foolish, putting too much efforts just to show my existence.....

I can hold with it seriously, for months~ years~

if these crappy incidents did not happen from the past few days~it could be even longer

Adults to the youngest,

they have clearly show in front of me even tells, my care was an EXTRA.

i still remember these bitchy talks "I didn't ask u to be like that!!, you yourself care too much!!!, stop giving annoying advises!!" these really hurt me......

i am the only one who follow whatever instructions or so call *rules* set??

When you're great : this is what you have to behave like, ADULT!

but actually i have start hanging this behaviour since i was 13. Since the day my brother left to another state....since the day you'll ask me to take care of my sister...since the day i start working.

I'm not born to be independence, i have to be..trained to be...-understandable; somehow

i can be weak sometimes.

I have tried so hard to not letting myself make any mistake, not letting you'll to worry but STILL there is thing to blame....their fault nag me, why ar?!

Blame ! Blame! Blame!...can someone stands out for me?

I don't expect more but at least EQUAL

new baby, new haircut!!

____________________________________________________________________

想法

当一个爱你的人为你出头 即正常又平凡
当一个已不属于你的人 你想要他为你出头 既奇怪又离奇

你不可不否认 这一定存有不止友谊吧了的感情 既矛盾又迷惘
那个人也不该责怪那平凡人，这代表他爱的奉献， 正如我所说是正常地
人往往就是这洋，
做了多余的事，就如画蛇添竹般，相反地，这却反映了另一回事。
怒气遮盖全部， 包括思考。

好话应该说的，别因为一些外人而伤感情，
如果彼此还是在意对方
就该好好维护
毕竟经历了那么多
也该放开~学习体谅吧！！！

my CAR

my car ~~
From what i heard, the car is already out since monday, and parked outside their company
But due to the 'effectiveness' of the gov workship, their festival ma...not enough strength maybe.haha
approval letter for this car still not out yet
Without that the car cannot drive on road..
Promised monday will arrive wan mah~~~, aish!!
My plan ruined out la....
Probably need to wait for another week and another amount of $$ need to spend for cab to college.*rush again* bishBAshBooooo

I love MALAYSIA~~31/8 National Day!!!

my apologies is for wat i did say before.

I shouldn't argued with you when i was still blur with the situation.
finally recalled back my memories.....
i have something to say actually...

BUT,
i scared that happens again
although i don't really like to keep inside...

I will say,
there is some misunderstanding between us,
Hopefully u will feel better today.

2 years

"If wait for ur return from aussie, will u still consider?"
hahaaa...
Can be NO, or Yes.
There is no any exact answer for that...

2 years...
is a long duration to everyone...
so this agreement doesn't exist.
i don't like to be tied up, and i hope you wont' be tied up with this too!!
And, that kind of waiting....loneliness and taste of bitterness------should be lo. HOhoho

its suffering man...so dont ever think about it.
YET enjoy ur life~~ go for your own life and do watever u want!!!!
2 years later only think about it la if still like that person......haha :)

FOR now....
my final decision will be......SINGLE 1st!!

BE hope-ful always

Acca result released this afternoon
i already knew what i would get
But there was a 'woman' accompany me for whole day.
WHY female?? zZzz..
Trying to be optimism.
Today, supposingly a sad day to me.
But after i told her, she still willing to treat me a meal
She NEVER tell liess ESPECIALLY to MOON~~~~hahaha
After the K-ing session, i drive my mum to night market get ingrediants for dinner
well, it was raining that time. I ran down to buy those stuff and let my mum stay inside car.
ALmost all wet, and my head still spinning heavily now due to the acid rain effects!!
After the market trip, i went to photostating for my textbook after a month of my course started. Hahaa
Who knows, my stupid heels torn! SO frustrating with the kik *KOK* kik *KOK* sounds.
Everyone was looking when i passed by them...AIsh!!
I went to starbuck and order a tall size of vanilla steaming milk which recommended.
ANd NOW....
the happy things happened!!
They gave me a large size to replace the tall size glass....
GOOD or bad?
The bad part - i will be suffering in my coming dinner coz full of milk!
I can eat less- which is good too~~can diet ma~~
haha...:P

**Whenever there is a bad incidents happens, there will be a good ones arrive after that.....:)

my apologies--

i will let u know soon...
as i said before..end of this month!
If u really urge for the answer right now..,it will be "NO"
Anyway, dont waste money on that la....
if u do it without my permit, then different...haha
but u have asked....
my parents will nag and ask alot...Zzzz, u know la-pretty *annoying* sometimes, hehe!!
and im not angry, don worries....
I just ,I am just afraid to answer. * take a deep breathe* PHEWwww
Tell u here,indirectly but can fully express out how i feel to UR request. HAHA
Chat again later ~~

i see

she is at the same tutorial group with me....
she is not what i expected...
she likes day dreaming too....
Another who care about physical appearance (image) alot like me!!!
We are sama sama....
NO no...except body shape...HAizz= DIET till when!!?
Nvr give up,never give up; give up = gain fatss
OHyea...she has the SMART look...which i think i dont have but pretend to have 1!!...
wakakkaa :p

**I nak cut hair la...or GO for Rebonding?? any ideas frenz.....?

lack of happiness~dont read it if u can't take it...

我想我也应该 重回 迈向我自己的生活了！！
终于知道为什么我怕，不敢
我怕你们会麻烦， 你们会不耐烦，总有一天会离开
我铁定，如过在我认真的对待，你们会比现在更麻烦
我自己可以很独立，
我宁愿一个人，也不想看到你们离开.
不是我不珍惜,我不重视-------------
因为当我非常认真的看待，我会变得超粘，不再独立
你们就不只得体谅我，还得随时帮我应付家人。
当然，如果你们自己也不能搞定自己或怕麻烦~~就算吧！！

我觉得很坏，每次麻烦到人，没答应就别烦人吗~
但我又不会 怎么办？？ 我笨 怎么办？? 我少朋友 怎么办??
没咯, 问一两次, 再问就没意思吧!?
我很敏感, 对怨言, 利用的语气, 不耐烦的口吻........等等
都说我敏感咯,
凭第一感觉就写了这张垃圾文章
其实之前想了很多开心的,笨笨的, 可爱的, 总之目的是带欢乐给大家的
每次到要写的时候就想不起来, (因为过了一短时间,灵感飘走了)
下回一定要抄下, 不然一想到就快快update...
这次就不好意思哦.......又来悲哀~~~~
忍耐 忍耐 ~~

Eleh..forget about it

Reached limits
i know what i am working out now
thinking differently
what i do dissimilar with what you think
An equation form = what you deserved is what you paid
sounds realistic?
safer + fare
And thats the way of my living style
You may start analysing them
But follow my measurement hopefully, not Yours
And i definitely have done more than that....an 'A'???
I wonder what else more i could do to fulfil anyone
Deep inside my heart will be 'I couldnt afford to lose more
OR pour out EVERTHING meaninglessly......!'

Today,
one of my course mate came for "show".
almost half-naked..cover with pink-thin layered + tight top ( show half of her boobs) and mini shorts.
If i am a guy, my eyes will OR CAN only focus on her!! nose bleed if *weak* guy sees :p
GOOD body she has, nice shape....worth it. LOLx

Unfortunately, come for an hour lecture, and show up herself after everyone entered. what is her purpose?? Co-incidence? .....other girls supposingly have the similar thinking when in such situation.....

So, stop complaining about my deep "V", just an ordinary T-shirt with V collar la. Personally think that V suits me more than O, there is no"show"off issue inside. I have nothing to show either.
skirt or mini types, no longer a problem...GO AHEAD
earth is turning everyday, things change every seconds, .....HAhaaa! who knows one day, GUY will be hanging around with skirt or inner garment to shape up their bodies?? LOLX.....

"插曲"比赛

开场竞争激烈
一号参赛者 至 五号参赛者 状态大勇
我个人比较看好一号和三号， 尤其三号， 实力不可看小
它们毛色非常亮丽，从初赛到现在都紧守头衔
在场的欢呼声一般，热闹程度不比历年

二号选手首先被淘态，接着就是四号
二号的失败 ，因为它缺伐光芒，固然它的实力是比四号来的好，但四号选手靠着它的不虚不老
战胜二号，但老天爷是公平的！！！最后它也不敌而落败。。。。

剩下一，三，五号
畜势待发。。。
接下来，大会请来了一位经验老道大师来考练它们
那位大师原来患了重病
却因骑虎难下被逼上场.
首先请来一号选手上前。。
在过程中， 大师看似非常辛苦，力道不促, 最终
大师在逼与无奈下, 离开.......

大会 从大师对它们的考练模式 ，变成了参赛者互相切磋
一号选手因这突如其来的状况
担心到落泪，
三号和五号也抖了起来。。
一切出乎意料之外的刺激
在这, 五号选手最终也宣告落败, 光荣隐退

我的眼光满好的吗!!!
一号与三号顺利爬到争夺冠军位置
本以为会斗得难分难解
可能就因为一号曾经落泪, 影响了它的演出
冠军轻而易举就落在三号选手的手中....
本以为能一睹三号选手展示它的胜利之曲才离开
奈何, 天意弄人...

我得提早离场, 还是用跑的呢~~~~~大汗蹋小汗
哈哈哈哈

终于写完.......END>.<

i would like to know...

if u dont want to do so,
don promise to do so...
if u really forget about it,
make sure u will do it another day..
really dislike ppl like that,
and it happens to know that u're not busy with works and activities like others....
i pretend not to find out, but its hardly cover emotional me
u are nothing to me beside a fren of mine...
look at u, is like facing a mirror to myself...
u are like what u had scolded me last time...
complained a lot about my attitudes but current you not much differ
think carefully, what u had said...
and what u had done these days...
you're worsen than me..worsen than a girl.
i can tell u that i have changed a lot, this is wat i promised to do so
After i had changed, i see a familiar shadow of mine from you
knowing u make me change and understand myself more..
which i think is good..
bad as in i change myself too much for ur words?!
end up, don't even get any appreciation.....
i wonder, sincerely wonder...... do U realised about it?
From begining till now, we're only friends ...i mention all the while
don't make it like we were broke up or what pls...
normal friendship suits u more...females are emotional animal, dont u think so? u have to learn to manage ur emoness at the same time your gf's one.
i rarely show up my emotional face to ppl, doesnt mean i dont have...I AM very emotional...( agree, fren?? ) IF not i wont be blogging here...haha
But i absolutely think that this"tight"frenship situation can be solved, or slightly change.
Depend on you....

when it comes

preparing my mood for the day to come...
12 hours to go...
non= excitement
2 face the environment, ppl, location.....
currently,
just feel lazy to drive
need volunteer = pick, drop, send, deliver, hug, =.+ DREAM ON~
time to shut OFF

dont ask me -.-

arh...
meaningless life..
dont ask me why...
feel tat minutes ago...

Actually
i have plenty of plans before coll reopen..
difficult laa...
when can only starts?

i wonder ...i wonder.....
wait ..wait....

thanks

Good news..
Finally received a gift from the someone who owed me for ..............5 months!!! one..two...three...zZzzz *.* yeah ~~5 months!!
It might be a common colour, dull look, lack of design but i like it a lot....
And it come before my college starts, Great!!!...
I can hang around with it, and dump all my books in, Hahaaa...
Enter coffee shop without carrying books on hand....with a bag is much more flexible and fashionable?
haha..well...
You might think that :" a bag only wat, i have plenty of it laaa...'
TO a person like me, doesn't own a bag at alll..(grabbed my sister's bag all the while since the 1st year of my college life.) paiseh!~?
Need a celebration right? LET's go PARTY...
finally got a bag that chosen and ( half- paid) by myself- WEI u still owe me money $$$..KEKEkeke... Feel really satisfied....
Actually there is a bag that bought by another of my fren, when the time i got it..
there were already few scratches on it and there were 2 blue-black patches...he probably got cheated by net seller.Not his fault thou~
No doubted that the bag he gave was what i wanted before....Really appreciated!!
Got the heart can de....still remember to buy me after such a long promise.
谢谢。。goh meh-goh meh- KANasai :P

i will do it then....

have been thinking on this, these days.
i should take up the 1st move,
no point of waiting actually, i knew it....
i cannot stand the anger or hiding from someone such long...
From the beginning till the ends, i know what im doing. and treat everyone the same.
it makes me heartbreak..haha. nOla, doesnt feel good.
I think i am silly nyway, but its better in this way....
shouldnt bother upon any dignity...Just go for it
Not first time thou....and if u're not doing it, who u can rely on...
The matter now is ... avoiding each other doesn't helps, not my style too-
problem will still remain there..
wat's the point then?!
Someone might thinks that it works by avoiding, avoiding unequal to forgetting but mistakenly thinks that time can cure everything. ITs true, but not cure from the bottom of heart. Friendship yet to be done after this.
OKAY, Im definitely not that avoiding kind.....abit guyish OH? haha....
Cause this is really irrational. WE will feel bad and embarrass when facing each other next time.
i would prefer a fren more than an enemy.
Therefore, i have decided to do my own path...
IF result turns out differently or the other side remain that way, LET it be
at least i know i had did something to remedy for that...no guilt to face!!